Sunday, 9 September 2007

A good Day today!!

I seemed to have a good day today, life went on as normal and things rolled along nicely today!

Since the lost of my brother I have been finding it hard to get my head wrapped around getting on with life. At time I have this guilty feeling in my stomach and it makes me wonder if I should be doing what I am doing. But I know that if my brother was here with me he would say "stop being stupid and get on with the things your have to do".

After putting the photo tribute on here I had a really bad night and sat in bed crying and crying. I couldn't wrap my head around what had happen to him and also that he was gone......The big question is WHY all the time. I know that no one can answer it for me and that I should cherish every moment we had together and never forget what a great life he had and how much he love me and my children.

The fears that I have at this moment is that I will forget how he sounds......I had only talked to him on the phone a month ago and he sounded so great, and he told me that he was doing so well in Perth. The thought that I cant talk to him anymore scares me!

I know keep a journal and I write to Chris every night, just telling him of our day and the feeling I have inside for him. I feel as though I need to do this for myself and for Chris so that he know that I wont forget him and that I will love him like a big sister always.


Tracey said...

Kylie ...cry all you need and vent all you need.
The best healing process is expressing how you feel.
Victims of crime but be able to offer you some support if times get to tough.
One thing that may sound silly but I often try to think of when a close family dies, They are still hear with us everyday , they live and breath in each moment we are still living, they will continue to live with us in spirit , The person who did this to your brother may have taken his life , but he can never take away that bond of love and family. You hold onto every memory and think that he is with you everyday, he was and still is your brother.

Tracey said...

And please excuse all my spelling mistakes .. I was all over the place trying to say it ...Hugs

Monica~aka mghairgirl said...

Tracey has said it so nicely.
Take all the time you need and you qare doing exactly what you need right now, keep expressing your feelings. It is so important to let it out and not bottle it up inside.
Do not feel guilty that your life has to go on, know that is what your brother would have wanted.
This will be a year of growth for you and your family. Maybe not growth as far as you see it, but a different growth. Just to make it through each day is growth. Of course you are expected to have good and bad days and that is okay, allow yourself to ride the rollar coaster. It is a neccessary part of healing.
May you find joy and happiness in the little things. I have your family in my prayers. ~hugs to you~

Terri H said...

Kylie, ther eis not much more I can say cos Trace has said it all so perfectly.
I can think of nothing worse then losing someone you are so very close too. Know that we all think of you often & wish you all the best life has to offer.

Chris is smiling down on you for being so courageous through this dark time in your life.

Love ya hun xoxo

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